Build Self-Confidence

How To Build Self-Confidence When You Feel Insecure

It’s a question I hear all too often – “how am I supposed to build my self-confidence when I feel too insecure to do anything about it?” I wish there was a simple fix, so we could all feel more confident in just a few hours or days.

Sadly, there isn’t a quick solution, but I believe once someone acknowledges they’re insecure, they’re ready to take the steps necessary to start building self-confidence. It doesn’t matter how insecure you feel right now. There is hope and you can turn your insecurity around and become a more confident person.

If you’re ready to start taking this journey with me, I’m thrilled to be your guide. Let’s start with these tips for building self-confidence.

Find At Least One Thing You Love About Yourself

I’m sure you could probably fill a page up pretty quick with things you hate about yourself. I have plenty of things I don’t love about myself, but the trick is not letting those things take center stage in your mind. I want you to think carefully or go look in a mirror and find at least one thing you truly love about yourself.

Maybe you have the most gorgeous eyes or you’re an incredible cook. It’s disheartening sometimes to see how much people dislike themselves. For instance, according to Dove, 90% of women put their health at risk and refuse to eat because they don’t like their bodies. A shocking 85% of women avoid big events when they don’t like how they look.

I know the struggle, but I turned things around by starting to place my focus on the things I loved about myself. I realize it might be hard to change your line of thinking right away, but the more you like about yourself, the more confident you become.

Remember That The Media Is A Lie

All those airbrushed images, TV ads with perfect people and movies and shows that show us what we should be are all a lie. I’m not perfect and I never will be. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with me. I have a secret to tell you – the media plays to your insecurities. That’s right. They want you to feel bad about yourself so you’ll buy their products. Stop buying into the fantasy. Focus on you and not who you think the media wants you to be.

Remind Yourself That Everyone Is A Little Insecure

I remember feeling insecure and thinking I was all alone. Everyone around me always seemed so much more confident than me. The simple thought that I must be the only one made me feel even worse about myself. If everyone else was full of confidence and living the lives of their dreams, what was wrong with me?

Once I discovered that every body feels insecure, at least a little, it actually boosted my confidence. I still had work to do, but it helped to know that everyone around me had their own insecurities. You’re never alone. Go into a crowded room and I guarantee that everyone there is insecure about something.

Work To Become Great At Something

I honestly believe that everyone is great at something. I also feel that having that one thing is a great starting point for building self-confidence when you feel insecure. If you’re struggling right now, find a new hobby to try or figure out what type of job you really want. In your free time, work on becoming great at your hobby or take classes to get the job you want.

As you make progress, your confidence grows. I see this as a way to start reinventing yourself. Once you see that you’re great at one thing, you’ll see that you’re actually great a many different things.

Meet People With Similar Interests

Building self-confidence isn’t always easy when you try to do it alone. I tried doing it all by myself, but it was the people I met who helped me uncover the steps to help change my life. I highly recommend trying to find people who share similar interests. For instance, look for local groups that do the same hobby as you. Thanks to the social media, you can even interact with people online who enjoy the same things you do.

Finding like-minded people helps you feel more confident about who you are. It’s also a good way to make new friends – friends who are there for you during your insecure moments.

Figure Out Why/When You Feel Insecure

I know you may not want to answer this question, but why do you feel insecure? My insecurity began as a child and it took time for me to see the world a different way. When you can figure out why you feel the way you do or when it began, you’re better equipped to for tackling the experiences that made you feel insecure.

For instance, if you began feeling insecure when you started dating a certain person or hanging out with new friends, it’s time to let those toxic people go.

Take Steps To Let The Past Go

I know from first hand experience that our past is often a source of our insecurities. I also know that we don’t have to live the rest of our lives chained to our past. It took me years to realize this, but once I did, I was able to start letting go of the negativity and start actively working towards building my self-confidence.

Find ways to make peace with the past and remember that it’s over. You don’t have to be the person you were in the past. Today is the day to start new.

Actively Practice More Positive Thinking

For me, positive thinking made a major difference in my self-confidence. Much of my insecurities stemmed from negative thinking. I didn’t really know anything different. Once I learned to actively practice positive thinking on a regular basis, I found my negative thoughts fading away. Do I still have them sometimes? Of course, I’m only human.

I’ll be honest, it won’t be easy at first. However, take the time to listen to your own thoughts. For each negative or insecure thought, counter with a positive one. Eventually, those positive thoughts come more naturally, along with better self-confidence.

Remember That Change Does Take Time

It takes time to build insecurities, meaning it also takes time to build self-confidence while you’re feeling insecure. Please don’t give up when you don’t immediately feel better on day one or week one. Stick with it and you’ll find that a more confident you is just around the corner. Try the steps above and don’t hesitate to reach out to me for help.

My name is Jess Brighton, a Minneapolis based Life, Adversity and Reinvention Coach. Learn more about me and my coaching services by visiting

If you have a question about this or another topic email me at to schedule your complimentary 30 minute strategy session.

Image: Agnieszka P